doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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