i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
