she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
