I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
BRING THE BAGELS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
