I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
