Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
