the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
