Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
