My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
