Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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