i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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