I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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