So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
