you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
