I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
