She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
