he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sober January is a disaster.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
