im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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