There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
