Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
