I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
