The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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