So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
