i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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