The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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