I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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