I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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