Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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