I hate all girls vehemently.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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