I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
