Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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