Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
