Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
