when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
