Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
