Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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