Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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