Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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