i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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