And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
