Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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