I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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