Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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