I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
