in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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