halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just high enough for therapy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
