The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
