You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
