She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
