we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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