TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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