he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
