Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
