he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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