we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
