I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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