my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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