i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
